Nothing Beats Humiliation

There's nothing like a good, sludgy, dirge to clear out the cobwebs during these sticky, groggy, uncomfortably hot summer days and nights. Perhaps to counterbalance my recent descent back into the world of Elvis Presley, I've been spending my non-Elvis moments listening to the confrontational and mostly uncomfortable sounds of early Swans.

If you don't know, Swans were a New York band that existed from approximately 1982 to 1997 and covered much sonic territory during that time. The early albums feature Michael Gira on searing howls of pain, with other musicians pummeling their drums and guitars in a syrupy, decadent grind that sticks into the little crevices of your brain and creates thousands of tiny hammers hell-bent on destroying you from the inside.

On the first track of their debut album, Filth, Gira invites you into the bleak world of Swans with the following words: "Be strong! Be hard! Resist temptation! Stick your hand in your eye! Close your fist! Resist! Flex your muscles!" Remember that these words of encouragement are being yelled over an ultra-fuzzed electric bass and guitar plonk guided by a fidgety, metallic drum pattern complete with what sounds like large sheets of metal and bells being struck with demonic hell hammers.

It's not only as good as that description sounds, it's a whole lot fuckin' better.

I imagine many people wouldn't be able to make it through the first song, let alone an entire 40-some minute album of this rage. Well, I've been listening to three albums of this holy noise over the last few days and I must admit that I feel pretty relaxed. I know, it probably seems a bit strange that lyrics such as "Stupid snake, big strong boss. Break my back. Blood runs black. Cut my throat. Kill me, snake. Do what I say. You're the boss" can have a calming effect on me, but then again, I've somehow been able to fall asleep to Lou's Metal Machine Music more than a few times -- I swear I'm not crazy.

Swans have produced some really great music and albums, and I urge you whole-heartedly to seek all of them out. If the brutality of this early stuff sounds like it would be a bit much for you, just know that the band greatly began to expand their sound with the addition of vocalist and songwriter Jarboe in 1985. The albums from that point on begin to get a little more gentle in delivery but sacrifice none of the intensity or lyrical self-repulsion. For example, some of the best Swans lyrics appear on 1987's Children of God: "The sex in your soul will damn you to hell / Damn you to hell / I will be there, when he calls my number / I'll be there / Let the light come in, damn you to hell / Save your soul, damn you to hell."

Jarboe's voice and lyrics helped transform the band from a dirty, cantankerous, big ol' ball of hate into a more droney, majestic, beautiful slide into hell, if you will. Listen to their albums. Let your mind soak it all in. Most of all, don't get depressed with all of the darkness, because if you submerge your big toe into the big black pool every once in a while, it will allow you to appreciate the good stuff happening all around you that you probably take for granted every day.

Then again, my mind could just be numbed from having listened to so much of this. Ah, whatever. Swans music is great. Swans music is right. Cut off your ears. Stick your headphones in your ears. Nothing beats being raped by Swans. Nothing beats being pummeled by Swans. Nothing bea